Four Girls Later

Mental load. It’s the buzzword. It’s everywhere. Maybe it’s just on my algorithms because I spend an incessant amount of time trying to be introspective. Given the fact that I’ve heard the term used three times this week while out and about, I would say it might not just be me.

Do I think some families 100% share this load very well… I absolutely do. However, if you’re anything like my family often times it can feel like the parental mental load falls on one party.

The “default parent”carries so much of the mental load. Yes, we are scheduling annual exams and six month cleanings.. registering for dance class next week, needing to rsvp to Saturday’s birthday party, running Car pools and planning Gameday meals.

Friends, we are making the magic happen.

But let’s flip something on its head. Your partner carries a support belt. Any other mamas have 9+ lb babies and you needed that support belt under the belly to relieve back tension? I digress.

I am convinced many relationships like mine are made up of two very different individuals. One that remains calm and efficient in emergencies and one that panics.

Recently, I was taking a friends son home. I put her five month old in the car, my 13 month old in the car, and my four-year-old in the car.  I shut the doors so I could put her swing in the trunk… Because the key fob battery died while in the front seat of the car… the car locked from the inside. Did we get it situated and was everything totally fine, yes. Did I attempt to break a window and call 911, also yes. I’ll let you decide who’s the calm and efficient one in my relationship.

Ok back to mental load and pregnancy support belts.

My spouse is my mental load support belt.

When alone during dinner time I often think, where is the lifevac in case someone chokes and I need to use it? At bedtime I think, did I lock all the doors? Or did I put my phone on ring in case there is an emergency? Because of seizure history, I formulate sibling care and hospital routes during fevers. THESE THOUGHTS NEVER COME when he is present.

Why is that? Is it because he can take away choking, seizures, home intruders, or anything else? No, it’s because one of his greatest strengths also happens to be my weakness. I know in those moments I can trust his ability to carry that.

Kind of like I’m an efficient planner. I love planning. So scheduling those 6 month dental cleanings, easy peasy lemon squeezy. However, I would rather take my Frenchie who has a serious case of the zoomies to yoga than take those girls to the dentist. I have my reasons, but we’ll save those for another time. Do I go to the dentist and take them when needed, yes. However, whenever possible – I make the appointment, he takes them.

Do I think you can delegate some of that mental load? Yes!! If what you’re doing isn’t working, today is the perfect day to find what would truly be helpful to you and articulate that to those that love you. Is today also the perfect day to stop and change your perspective and see all the ways your spouse is supporting you, too? Yes!

Shine your light.

Xoxo,

Sara