Four Girls Later

It wasn’t until this year that I realized how unbelievably hard disciplining children is. This is not referring to any kind of physical discipline either. How did I not know in the 18 years I lived with my parents that whenever I had an imposed consequence, they were actually suffering too? 

I once had a professor share with me what he felt our greatest job as parents was. Immediately I thought to love… and was taken aback when he shared it was actually to teach respect for authority. Now, I view loving my kids and teaching them respect as two sides of the same coin. I don’t have to try to love them, I already do! And from that love, I believe it is our part as parents to raise up people that will have a healthy respect for authority. 

How do I believe this is accomplished? By first modeling the behavior you desire to see. If we want kind children, we must first show kindness. If we want children that love and respect themselves, we have to demonstrate self love and self respect. Since we are all human – we are surely going to mess this up. So will our kids, and what an amazing gift we have been given to show them how to handle mistakes. I, for one, have made it commonplace to apologize. 

Second, we cannot let disrespect and disobedience go unchecked. Insert – discipline is really stinking hard sometimes. 

At night we collectively read as a family. As my girls get older this is something that has brought me so much joy. Transitioning from picture books to novels has allowed me to share my favorites with them and experience many familiar tales through their eyes. I have been counting down the days for The Chronicles of Narnia. I am thinking we are close.. maybe we will even start this summer! Anyways, last week we were just finishing up, The Boxcar Children. The girls started bickering and I had corrected it twice during our reading time. We had 7 pages left, I calmly said if it continues I would not read anymore tonight. Guess what? It continued. I had to follow through. 

The very last thing I wanted was to stop story time. Not only do I love the finality of the end of a book, but do you know how much easier and quicker bedtime would have gone if I had just finished those pages? 

I had to tell myself, something worse than a parent that stops story time at the very end of a book is a parent that is inconsistent. Inconsistent parenting is linked to low self-esteem, inability to self regulate, and attachment issues. 

How did I not know consistent parenting meant sometimes leaving when I really didn’t want to leave? Or staying when I really wanted to go. How did I not know that often a consequence for one means the whole house suffers? 

I’ll tell you what I do know. The one we are suffering for is worth it. Each of my daughters, worth it. Their ability to have healthy relationships is worth it. Their ability to learn cognitively that all actions, both good and bad, have consequences is worth it. Their ability to respect Gods authority in their life is worth it. 

Hang in there friend, you’re doing great. 

Shine your light. 

Xoxo, 

Sara