Four Girls Later

I think anyone that is close to my family would agree that last year was marked for us by a season of waiting. We were waiting for test results, medical complexities, moving, career changes, a home, and deployments. Almost every facet of our life at some point or another, was marked with waiting. I’m not sure how I thought, the literal and proverbial countdown at midnight would mean a change, but I sure did. Somehow in my mind, I thought, “OK great we can finally leave the waiting behind us.”. Do you know what though? That’s not actually true. As much as I want to control and challenge and push forward, there are simply some things that consistently bring us back to the reality that there is so much in this life we are actually not in charge of. Time and time again I am brought back to this truth, that consistently resonates, we are in fact creatures.

As the clock continues to tick forward in the waiting, I am challenged by others that are so much more efficiently modeling patience and perseverance. What a light you are, and I am inspired by you. I certainly don’t have the market cornered on overflowing amounts of joy and patience in the waiting, but I will say that I have been learning so much. I have had several consistent takeaways from my season of waiting that have been clarified recently.

As we attempt to free ourselves from the waiting, we miss out on the present blessing. This blessing can be clarity, community, or new levels of understanding. The blessing can be both tangible and seemingly invisible. In fact, when you find yourself frustrated that nothing around seems to be budging, I would like to gently remind you that something in the situation is actually changing, you. And as I see it, we can grow in one of two ways, bitter or indifferent. You probably hear this and say both of those are negative, and chances are I would have said the exact same thing a few months ago. To me, bitterness is the direct result of hurt and discontent. Whereas contentment actually brings forth indifference. Indifference, that regardless of the situation, my identity and my belovedness do not change. If I get the beautiful home to grow my family in, I hope that I am free to enjoy it in its fullness. If the dream job works out, I hope I am free to savor it guilt free. If the relationship I desire comes to fruition, what a gift. However, if I don’t, my identity, my worth, and my belovedness remains.

There is absolute freedom in loosening that grasp that holds your desires and fears so very tightly. Am I saying don’t desire? Don’t dream? Don’t pursue? Don’t plan? Absolutely not. I’m saying that you don’t have to white knuckle your way through life. Have the dream, pursue it, and work hard. Make intelligent choices conducive to a healthy life. Just don’t hold all of it so tightly that you miss out on the present while you wait for it to happen. Or, don’t miss out on what can sometimes be life’s greatest gifts that happen when your plans don’t go exactly how you thought.

Whether the circumstances around you change, or the only change you see, is happening inside of you, I hope you’re walking in freedom and holding it all loosely in your hand.

Shine your light.

Xoxo,

Sara