Surprise!! FOUR GIRLS LATER, added a beautiful baby boy. My very special third born sent the paper below to the NICU. 8 months later, I’m still giggling. So I’m thrilled to say that the “group” is now … 4 girls plus 1.
I recently heard a friend, whom is a brilliant writer say, “there are just so many voices in the world and I don’t know if I want to add to it.” I agreed with her in that moment. In fact, I think in part that’s where I’ve been having not written much over the last 15 months. While we’re on that, looking over my 37 years of life, the last 15 months have been the hardest so far. That’s not to say there has not been immeasurable joy, it’s always both, right? We have two hands to hold for a reason. One has been holding fear, saddness, uncertainty, medical concerns, isolation. The other has been holding tight to an incredible husband, children that fill my heart in ways I can never articulate, and the joy of settling into a beautiful home. This difficult season has been a winnowing, and I’m confident that what rises to the top in terms of relationships, truths, and beliefs will be the substance of things that stay. More to come on the heartbreak of what feels like a body failing you, the desperation of relying on professionals to help you care for your child, the crippling fear of “researching” into the wee hours medical diseases, supporting a spouse through the unknowns of separating from the most fulfilling beautiful career, sifting through community and realizing that if they aren’t full of grace, compassion, and truth, I’m most likely not for them.
And you know what I’m learning to say to all of these hard things, “and it’s ok”.
Back to the story regarding my friends assertion to stop putting her voice out there. Two nights ago I thought, “but I wish she would put her voice out there”.
There are many voices, and as I’m learning in this season, even good ones you sometimes need to quiet. However, the “good” is so contingent upon experience, wisdom, and morale. I for one think there is a shortage of wise voices needed when you’re up at midnight googling rare medical conditions, balancing raising a teen and an infant, what happens when you can’t “make” your baby do the pt exercises at home, how to best support your spouse during career transition, step parenting —>insert your current google searches, I mean wrestlings, here.
And so this is my attempt to reconcile putting my voice out there for those that find themselves in the same position. Or just on a human level want to know you’re not alone in your wrestlings.
No matter what you’re going through, even the big things, ultimately in light of eternity…. It’s ok.
More to come.
Shine your light.
Xoxo,
Sara
Four Girls Later 