I went to dinner last night with one of my best friends. She is THE friend. You know the friend that meets you in the mess and you just want to go on a trip together and be hidden away to stay up all night talking? That one. Anywho. One of the conversations (among many that we started and probably never finished) was about how easy it is to talk about the goodness of God in your life when you’re on the other side of something.
How often do we find ourselves walking through really hard things not yet on the other side. Yet, we wait for the polished cleaned up version before sharing what it was like while on the rocky road. Because isn’t that it… We want goodness and comfort and we want the positive outcome. We want to get to the other side. The “through the really dark” side, so of course that’s what we’re presenting and that’s what we’re sharing with people.
The truth is though, people are hurting. And so often people are hurting and they don’t know what to do with that hurt. We think if we just pull ourselves together or that we must just grin and bear it until we can push through in quiet.
I’m consistently led back to Corrie ten Boom who I believe to be one of the most influential voices in relation to what faith without idolatry is. Speaking of idolatry… in my quiet time this is what I’m wrestling with… “if you trace your anxieties back, you’ll often find your biggest idols.” That’s definitely not Sara Rivera, but the great Tim Keller. Mind blown.
Back to the Watchmakers Daughter, she spoke of being in a dark tunnel and here’s what she said, “When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don’t throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer.” Her faith said that no matter what happens in that tunnel, ultimately she had trust. I’m going to be fully transparent and say I’m not fully there yet because I can’t conjour something that’s not real in myself but I’m getting one step closer.
So here’s where I land on this. What I couldn’t stop thinking about after dinner. I recently posted pictures of our July. In it I wrote about my daughter’s birthday, another’s haircut, and the fun of going to get free Chick-fil-A dressed up as cows.
What I didn’t write about was that I’m waiting for medical appointments and answers for one of my kids. So the truth with a capital T is… my four other children have had a mom that’s been emotional and fearful in the waiting.
Ruminating on fear.
So making paper plate cow masks and printing off silly pieces of “eat more chicken” paper was a chance to laugh with my kiddos and create something.
Taking my daughter to donate her hair was a way to see her and celebrate her desire for kindness.
These are small things, but they are the best I can do right now. And you know what I’m learning, that’s ok.
So if you’re finding the small best things you can do right now, that’s ok. You’re not alone and I’m cheering you on.
Shine your light.
Xoxo,
Sara
Four Girls Later 