The last weekend in July
If you’re anything like me the end of this weekend symbolizes the beginning of looking ahead to the fall. It feels like the last carefree weekend without the responsibilities of your future rhythms lingering.
For me, next week means tedious mental checklists that include school supplies, sports physicals, and playing Tetris with my calendar to figure out how to make it all make sense. It’s reworking nap times for more successful pickups and working on self efficacy in the bathroom for my preschooler. It’s doing more in the evenings so that I can embrace more unhurried mornings with my children. Ok, I’ve maybe looked ahead, but with each glance I tell myself this is an August problem.
Next week, August is here. So inevitably instead of being present, I start looking back.
Did I spend enough time with the kids? Did we make enough fun memories. We didn’t go swimming like we normally do, did they notice? Do they remember that day I exchanged patience for frustration and raised my voice? Do they feel like my days consisted of nursing, naps, rocking, and focusing on the baby’s PT? Do they know how much I delight in them? Do they know how I thank God for this time with them?
This ultimately rolls into, it’s my youngest daughters last summer before preschool, did I do enough? Did I speak gently enough? Did I engage enough? Did she have enough 1 on 1 time?
If you’re anything like me, those questions can keep rolling in if I allow them. Instead, I’m learning to respond to my own internal <mom guilt> dialogue like I hope to respond to these five children that I love so deeply. With grace, love, gentleness, kindness and truth. I don’t know what your response to your own dialogue may be, but I hope it’s with grace, love, gentleness, kindness, and truth.
So looking ahead to August 1, I desire to steward my time and resources well. For me this begins with one very long to do list. I’ll get a lot right but inevitably some wrong and that’s ok. I’ll be misunderstood, and that’s ok. I’ll need help, and that’s ok. I just have to keep showing up and continuing to try.
So I say this to you and to me. This summer, it was all enough. There was enough love, enough joy, enough laughter, enough adventure. It was all enough. Was it perfect? Real life never is. What life is though, is a series of both good and bad strung together to make up one life. This summer with your kids, there were moments of pure magic and you were there and you experienced it and you got to be part of it. What a gift.
But friends, we have another weekend. Not to do more, or strive harder… but to be present. To feel it all and be thankful for life. Thankful for this time with our kids. Thankful for both joy to look back on and hope for the future.
You’re doing better than you think you are.
Shine your light.
Xoxo,
Sara
Four Girls Later 